QUESTION & RESPONSE

Narcissistic ex got custody, how do I reconnect/bond and minimize the trauma for my 6 y.o son?

A real question from r/Mommit that deserves a real answer. Not generic advice — specific steps.

14 upvotes r/Mommit Relationships

THE QUESTION

Long story but I'll try to make it short - abusive, drug dealing narcissistic ex reported me for child abduction (he had not seen the boy in over 6 months and had given me the OK to move) when his green card status was threatened (in order to gain custody and get to stay in the country). He won, and I went to prison for 9 months. The sentence has been appealed and there's a retrial coming up in september. My lawyer saying there's pretty good chances they'll overturn the conviction due to all evidence I've submitted. Anyway, I agreed on mediation - get to talk to my son every week and see him on occasion, in exchange for my ex keeping sole custody. I hadn't talked to my son for over a year so this was my desperate solution to get to be in his life at all. We're in Europe so it's quite d

TL;DR

Reconnect with your 6 y.o. son despite narcissistic ex's custody. Focus on building trust, making activities enjoyable, and minimizing disruption to child's routine. Patience and sensitivity are key to navigating this challenging situation.


THE RESPONSE

What’s actually going on here

The struggle you're facing is all too familiar for many parents. When you're already rushed and stressed, having a toddler who resists getting into the car can feel like a nightmare. But don't worry, there are concrete steps you can take to make this process smoother - and ultimately, bring you closer to your child. The root of the problem often lies in the child's natural desire for autonomy and control. Toddlers are just starting to explore their independence, so being buckled into a car seat can feel like a frustrating loss of freedom. By introducing a predictable routine and letting them have more say in the process, you can help ease those feelings of powerlessness. Start by establishing a solid foundation with the Car Seat Victory Method. Set aside 5 minutes before you need to leave, and spend that time getting your child excited about getting into the car. Let them "help" you buckle the seat, and provide plenty of praise when they cooperate. Over time, work on gradually reducing this prep time down to 2 minutes or less. The Buddy System is also key here - have your child pair up with a favorite stuffed animal or action figure, and let them "help" their buddy get buckled in too. This gives them a sense of purpose and makes the process more engaging. Finally, keep an eye out for moments when your child does willingly get into the car. Use The Graduation Strategy to reward and reinforce that behavior, moving them closer and closer to the ultimate goal of a smooth, stress-free car ride. When you get this right, you'll see a dramatic reduction in power struggles and meltdowns. More importantly, you'll build trust and connection with your child, creating a foundation for a strong, healthy relationship as they grow.

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