QUESTION & RESPONSE

How to practice stoicism during feelings of anger and hopelessness?

Posted in r/Stoicism with 32 upvotes. This hits home for a lot of people — here's the real answer.

32 upvotes r/Stoicism Life Skills

THE QUESTION

How do I cope with the feelings of anger at my parent for a very scarred and tragic childhood. I don’t want to get into details but at times I find myself feeling so indignant and frustrated. It doesn’t help that the “tragedy” is continuous to this day. I cry at night thinking about it all and I feel anger and it drains me. It hinders me from important things like school work and studying. Basically, my very tumultuous family life makes me suicidal. And there’s no one who understands me. How do I help myself?

TL;DR

To practice stoicism during anger and hopelessness, focus on controlling your physiological stress response by regulating your breathing, reframing your thoughts, and taking practical actions to address the underlying issues.


THE RESPONSE

What’s actually going on here

I hear you - the feeling of being overwhelmed by anger and hopelessness is so difficult. It's like your emotions take over and you can't express yourself the way you want to. But there are effective strategies you can use to stay grounded and in control, even in the heat of the moment. The root of the issue often lies in how our nervous system responds to stress. When we feel threatened, our fight-or-flight response kicks in, flooding our body with adrenaline and cortisol. This can make it nearly impossible to think clearly or communicate effectively. But by using techniques like the Nervous System Reset, we can short-circuit that reaction and regain our composure. Start by taking a few deep, slow breaths - inhaling through your nose and exhaling through your mouth. This activates your parasympathetic nervous system to counteract the stress response. Then try the Cold Water Method - splash some cold water on your face or take a quick cold shower. The sudden temperature shift helps jolt your body out of that heightened state. Another powerful tool is the Broken Record Technique. When you feel yourself getting upset, simply repeat a neutral, non-confrontational phrase like "I understand you feel strongly about this" or "Let's take a break and come back to this later." This prevents you from getting drawn into an escalating argument. With practice, these strategies can become second nature. And when you're able to stay grounded and articulate your needs, rather than lashing out or shutting down, the quality of your relationships and conversations will transform. You'll feel more empowered, confident, and in control of your emotional responses - no more waterworks!

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